I said to my husband, “I think art journaling has helped keep me sane all these years.” He looked at me like I was Captain Obvious, smiled sideways, and said, “I don’t doubt it.” Sometimes when I get my feelings hurt or feel like a loser, I want to check out , even quit pressing ahead… but the consequences are not good and not what I really want. That’s when I wrestle and fight hard until I find hope in visual expression. I’ve accepted that it is my personal process, an individual way of dealing with things. At those times I set out with monkish zeal, trudge off to the studio and do everyone around me a favor by going to “work it out.”
The day after one of those times, I met a friend for coffee and she reminded me of the story in the Bible (Deuteronomy 1) about when the twelve Israelites went to check out the promised land and most of them came back saying the land was beautiful, more than they hoped for, but they couldn’t enter the land because of the giants. They refused to believe God really loved them and had their best interest at heart.
I don’t know what it is like to be a giant. I often feel small. But I know I don’t want to be a defeated little person. Joshua and Caleb, the two who came back with a different view, were small too, but knew their God was big and He loved them. They remembered what He had done for them in the past, and believed God had big beautiful plans that included them, if they would only believe and step out in faith. God honored their faith and let the others chose according to their faith. God gives us the freedom to choose.
|Copyright Valerie Sjodin 2012|