After the selling of two homes, living in a trailer and finding a new home that feels ‘just right’ to move into, I thought I would recover quickly to find my rhythm and be able to jump into life, art, etc. Of course there was so much more to it than that.
What I found is that I needed more time than I thought, to take a break, putter around the house, make it home, and with the good weather - work in the yard, and most importantly, to heal and just ‘be.’
‘Your heart is a sacred seed bed.
Emotional healing is a sacred work.’
~ Dr. Anita Phillips, The Garden Within
Garden, garden everywhere
You know when you focus on something, it shows up everywhere? That’s what started to happen with me a few months ago as I began to focus on the garden. I began a book that uses the metaphor of the garden to illustrate the inner healing journey: The Garden Within, by Dr. Anita Phillips. Then a friend mentioned a song about God being the gardener of our hearts: Tend. I’ve played it over and over, along with a growing ‘garden’ playlist.
Probably the most helpful resource I found to aid the healing of my heart is the Pause App by John Eldredge, founder of Wild at Heart. One of the App’s features is a 30-day devotional. In the middle of it, around day 20, the emphasis is getting back to Eden, tending the garden of our hearts. I’ve listened to over 2500 minutes of the Pause App., and am finding it helps me have more peace, releasing everyone and everything to Jesus.
A few months back, I started a journal for taking notes and writing quotes with a garden theme. Earlier, I began my garden watercolor journal with some of the pages, as shown below and in previous blog posts. Recently I’ve been using the garden notes and quotes journal (aka commonplace journal) to inspire the watercolor journal.
I also have another type of journal that I keep regularly: a diary where I can pour out my heart. It’s also a bit like the ‘morning pages’ as in Julia Cameron’s book ‘The Artist’s Way.’ For me it is a safe place to ‘get it all out’ and process life and its challenges and joys.
Soil metaphors & journal pages
One thing I’ve learned from gardening is that quality and balance of the soil is of utmost importance in being productive and fruitful. When I researched what soil to put in the raised garden bins and newly made beds, we ended up making Mel’s mix from Mel Bartholomew’s book: All New Square Foot Gardening. The recipe is easy. I recommend buying high quality compost in bulk to save money.
1/3 compost
1/3 vermiculite
1/3 peat moss
We used a little more compost and a little less vermiculite, and are pleased with the results. We will definitely be using this soil recipe again.
In her book The Garden Within, Dr. Anita Phillips uses the metaphor of soil as the condition of our hearts.
“Good ground is what happens when the three types of soil - [clay, sand, and silt] - each insufficient on their own - come together.
That balanced loam is fertile, full of nutrients, and easy to work, like the good ground of Eden… It’s a process, not a recipe.”
Love - Faith - Hope
Just like there are three ingredients to healthy soil, there are three qualities that are necessary for a healthy life: Love, faith, and hope.
Dr. Phillips explains how each type of soil on its own has certain qualities that hinder its productivity and usefulness, and also qualities that enhance the soil’s quality.
Clay represents sadness with a heart of love that is heavy and weighted down, and doesn’t drain well. Clay needs the elements of sand and silt to be able to breath and allow seeds and roots to let the air and water to flow in so they won’t drown and rot. In the same way sadness needs the uplifting air of faith and the hope-filled flow of silt to let the nutrients flow.
Sand represents anger and faith. It has faith and lets the air flow, but doesn’t hold onto nutrients. It gets easily too hot or cold. Anger needs the meaningful nutrients of love, as the clay soil has, and the free-flowing hope that silt brings.
Silt represents fear and hope. Fear is filled with expectation, a kind of hope, even if the expectation isn’t good. Sometimes fear seems wise. It has some nutrients, but without the anchor of love, represented by clay, or the active focus of faith, silt and fear only feeds weeds instead of the healthy plants.
Dr. Phillips reminds us: “When it comes to making sure our hearts are good ground for good things, remember this:
‘three things will last forever - faith, hope, love
and the greatest of these is love.'
1 Corinthians 13:13 NLT
Time for healing
It takes as long as it takes…
The past four years have held a lot of pain, loss, and disappointment. I wanted to be rid of it and jumped quickly into change before really understanding what needed to change, but there is grace for mistakes, and for the process. Now I’m feeling a shift. It’s been happening for awhile. I don’t think I’m alone. Maybe you feel it too? Hope is rising, and I have faith to believe and take action for good change. At the same time, I’m not rushing or putting pressure on myself.
The healing of my heart is a journey. When the process seems to be taking too long, I say to myself, ‘It takes as long as it takes.’ Then I work on not feeling guilt or shame about it. This is an improvement for me, since I’ve spent most of my life being outcome driven. I am finding I can more easily rest and take joy in the little things like gardening and daily tasks. It doesn’t bother me as much that things aren’t done. The journey is becoming more enjoyable and I don’t feel rushed like I did in earlier seasons of my life.
Enjoying and tending the garden reflects so many aspects of life: seasons, hopes, creativity, disappointments, losses, and joys… The process is often its longer than desired , requiring patience, but the learning is more joyful in the garden. It is a beautiful place to live, to learn, and heal.
I still believe we were meant to live in a garden
Good news!
Recently, I’ve had a MAJOR encouraging development relating to journal writing and keeping.
Around Thanksgiving in 2021, I had a hand injury, that included pain and trigger thumb. It led to surgery early in 2022 and I couldn’t write without pain for over five months. After that I couldn’t write more than three pages without needing to stop, due to pain and stiffness.
I found that without being able to pour out my pain on paper, was taking its toll on my well-being. The losses, pain, and disappointment of the past few years have been intense and journaling has always been a way for me to process. I’ve struggled with deep sadness.
A couple of weeks ago I was praying, pouring out my heart to God about a difficult situation, not health related. Then, I asked Him to heal my hand. My injury has been getting in the way of what I feel I’m created to do. There have been prayers for healing in the past, but this time it felt different. I sensed an intense confidence in the Holy Trinity. My hand tingled. I moved it open and closed a number of times. It wasn’t stiff and there wasn’t any pain. That was a change. I went to write. I didn’t feel like I needed to stop writing after 2-3 pages. I could write six, maybe more. The next day I wrote more. The next day more. No pain.
God healed my hand!
I am so thankful!
That was a bit of a side note from the theme of this post, but I thought is worth mentioning. For me it is life giving in many ways and excited to be a witness and recipient of God’s healing.
Thank you for stopping by.
Be blessed!
Valerie
Inspiration & Resources
Free daily meditation: Pause App. - https://www.pauseapp.com/ by Wild at Heart, John Eldredge
In the 30-day pause option the days in the twenties refer to our heart as a garden, the garden of Eden, where we connect with our Creator and tend to the garden of our heart.
Book: The Garden Within by Dr. Anita Phillips
Song: Tend - UPPERROOM
https://youtu.be/rDo99yAU-yo?si=lcAYZtp-gFXIiMcu
Mel Bartholomew’s book: All New Square Foot Gardening.
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